Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Bud Selig is a world-class ass monkey, pt. 3

Bud thinks it's a good idea to take credit for blowing the whistle on steroids in major league baseball. Which is funny, since as the Commissioner of the MLB, he's the one who turned the other cheek as the profits and salaries ballooned...for 16 YEARS.

I personally don't care if baseball players take steroids or not, as long as they're not allowed to play in the MLB. If they want to shell out tens of millions to jacked up clowns like Bonds, McGwire, Sosa, Dykstra,, that's awesome. Just put them on a traveling circuit like the WWF or whatever it's called these days. Give them colorful, skimpy spandex and baby oil, call it the American Gladiator League, and keep the syringes right in the dugout for between-inning pick me ups.

Actually, forget about the game altogether. Just set up a home run derby instead of the normal nine-inning business. Put guys like Bonds against journeyman hacks, and put Pettitte and Clemens on the mound against some skinny white guys who can't hit, like the equivalent of the Harlem Globetrotters against the team of stooges they always beat on purpose.

Or just give them huge duct-taped Nerf Q-tips, throw in some desperate-looking porn stars, call it "American Gladiators," and put it on Fox.